What I see
by MuiFilipa
Summary: Bones writes down the way she feels about Booth. FIRST FIC


People still believe I'm clueless. I'm not. I've been working with Seeley Booth for over 4 years now, and as Doctor Goodman puts it, I have a "very steep learning curve". So, even if I still can't read people (I do believe I'm getting better at it though), I can read me. I know how I feel whenever he looks at me. I feel butterflies in my stomach whenever he throws me that grin of his, the one that he throws women when he wants something from them, because he knows its effects.

And I do know that he cares about me… If not for the ridiculous amount of hours that we devote to each other, I could always see it in his eyes. The way he always makes me eat when I'm to engrossed in my work to notice the time. The way he makes me go home every night. No more all-nighters for me after he came into my life. Except during cases off course… Cases always take precedence.

I know, I know… He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and he would give his life to protect pretty much anyone that needed him. That's why the bullet incident taught me nothing new. He did take a bullet for me, sure, but I believe he would have done it for anyone in the bar that night. He is a natural protector. A hero, even when the only thing he sees himself as is a killer.

But I see different.

I see a Daddy. A very beloved father, just as it should be. A daddy that teaches his son about the ways of the world in a way I never thought possible. How can someone who works with death every day; that worked with death everyday during all his adult life, teach a kid all the wonderful ways of the world with such faith? He teaches him that he should be thankful for every sunny day, for every drop of rain, for every friend, for everyone in his life. That is one of the main reasons I will never have kids. I don't share his faith, so I would never be able to show a bright world to someone, when I see it black and white. I don't share his strength, so I would never be able to love anyone as unconditionally as he loves Parker.

But then again I do love him. All the endorphins produced by my brain run loose when he gets near, and I feel an epinephrine rush compared to the ones I felt earlier, in my graduate years, when I made my first identification. It gave me a sense of completion, a sense of pride, joy, but more important a sense of belonging.

And he way Parker responds to him, still takes my breath away. The untouchable trust they share is a textbook example of a good father-son relationship. Parker will be a better man for being able to grow up around Seeley Booth. I'm glad Rebecca resolved her issues with him, because it really is the best for their kid. I know what it feels like to be separated from your father, when he is nothing less than your hero. And being with Booth, I also have an input on how it is like for a parent not to be able to be with your child. This firsthand knowledge helped me forgive my own parents.

I see him as a brother. Sometimes I believe that, instead of his brother, Booth sees Jared as another son. That's probably because of their problems growing up. Booth's compulsion to protect everyone, made him take upon himself the task of protecting his brother even from their own father. That's a very noble thing to do, especially from a teenager. He was not only trouble by normal, hormonal problems, but also by the feeling that his father didn't give a damn about him or his brother. And among all the disappointment he had to be the better man, the paladin. And he rose to the occasion.

I see him as a friend. The type of friend who cares for his friend's happiness. He would move mountains to help a friend in need, even if said friend only needed a shoulder to cry on. He would willingly stop his own life to help someone. He risked his career for me, a mere months into our partnership, a time when I didn't think of him as more than an annoying tool to get what I wanted. Sad on my part, but true. I admire his selflessness, in the same amount as I find it frustrating. He always puts the ones he cares about above himself, and it makes him loose opportunities that were rightfully his. He deserves the credit of a hero, and the respect of someone important. Because that's nothing less than what he really is.

And I see him as the man I fell in love with. Even if I didn't believe in love. I spent many nights thinking of how I could feel for him the way that I do, if I didn't believe in it. Then I realized. Love is just a pump of endorphins and epinephrine, released by the brain, no different from breathing or sweating. The different lies on the way it is initiated. With breathing is the increasing level of carbon dioxide in the hematoencefalic fluid, which triggers the breathing receptors in the pons and medulla, increasing the ventilation rate. That's why we drown in water, instead of just suffocate. With sweating is the increase of body temperature that makes the brain segregate prostaglandins which dilate the blood vessels and increase perspiration. With love, the trigger for the release of hormones is unknown.

And that made me realize that there is such a thing called love. True, it's quite immeasurable, but I can't fight the logic that if we breathe and sweat, if I accept then as facts, I can accept love as well. They share the same physiological principles.

Then if I know the way I feel about him every day, the way I marvel in just watching him work, why don't I act on it? I do have an explanation, and it comes in the way of a Jane Austen quote. "We are all fools in love. And few of us are secure enough of our love to act upon it without the proper encouragement". So I'm scared. This relationship is paramount to me, and I'm not about to jeopardized it for anything, even if this means that we will always be Booth and Bones. I can live with that.

And I do believe he is not there yet. He doesn't realize that we are way past that bogus line of his. He likes the sense of normalcy that I provide, being that I'm the only thing that he is certain about, as he is for me. So I'm waiting, and I will wait forever if needed be. He's the only one that matters.

* * *

**Hey, hope you liked this. It's meant to be a one-shot, because I'm new at this kind of stuff, but I do have a few ideas if you think I should push this a little further.**

**Please don't leave without telling me what you thing. I don't write for a living, nor preparation, thought I do live to do it.**

**Criticism is always welcome**

**Kisses MuiFilipa**


End file.
